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Utah Bravely Prepares for Hurricane Condi
The headline used on Yahoo News, S.L. Bracing for Bush-Rice Visit Next Month, really hit me today. My heart totally goes out to all those poor people in Utah who will have to struggle with the...
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McCain Fundraiser Tour Fails Its Way Through Mormon World Capital
Ever since John McCain pissed all over Mitt Romney in a debate, and even before then, Mormons haven’t taken kindly to the foul-mouthed, unhandsome, twice-married atheist grumpus. So it’s no surprise...
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Gays Strike Back At Mormons With Proposition ANTHRAX
Just a week or so ago, California Mormons reproduced in reptilian-fashion, thereby increasing their population several times over. “Be fruitful and multiply,” Joe the Mormon God commanded from a...
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Costco Removes Tomatoes In Anticipation Of Palin Visit
Once upon a time a very long time ago (last week), a man attempted to throw a tomato at Sarah Palin and missed. The Salt Lake City Costco, determined not to allow the greatest possible attempted horror...
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Glenn Beck Is Going Blind Because He Cries Too Much
Glenn Beck came to Salt Lake City to talk about the Jesus and the America and the Socialism for a stadium spectacular and confided in the crowd of idiots who paid money to see their favorite radio and...
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Mitt Romney Now Losing Friends And Alienating People In Olde...
Oh Mitt Romney, please stop making us feel sorry for you. You go to Yurp so you can be a Celebrity Rock Star like Obama was in 2008, and “project leadership,” and everywhere you go, you make people...
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Utah Gun Lobbyist’s AR-15 Stolen Because SUV Couldn’t Defend Itself
In Salt Lake City, a lobbyist for gun enthusiasts will now have to march around holding his dick in one hand and nothing in his other, because his AR-15 was kinda sorta stolen from his locked SUV while...
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Glenn Beck Can’t Wait For Rush Limbaugh Memorials All Over America
In yet another of his “I must share my random whims with the nation” moments, Glenn Beck wants America to know that he’s really cheesed off over having to drive past a street sign for Cesar Chavez...
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Sporting Nice Time! Famous Mormon Sportsball Man Tells Gay Mormon Group He...
Former Sportsball player Steve Young, a Quarter-Of-A-Back for the San Francisco Gold Mining Technicians Sportsballing Team, spoke to a conference of gay Mormons in Salt Lake City Saturday and said,...
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‘Debilitating’ Back Injury Didn’t Stop Hero Scout Leader From Getting His...
You may recall the inspiring tale of can-do Utah Boy Scout leader hero man Glenn Taylor, who with a little help from his son and a friend brought an end to the reign of terror of a 20-million-year-old...
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Heartlessly Ripping Food Out Of The Hands Of Hungry Children, Utah Edition
You know, it’s been like a whole day or something since we wrote about terrible people being terrible by literally tearing school lunches out of the hands of poor schoolchildren or also too literally...
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Maybe We Should Have Given Mitt Romney More Credit For Saving The SLC...
Are you following the failboat that is the Sochi Olympic readiness thus far? Journalists have arrived to super fun neato things like their phones being hacked pretty much the second they touch Russian...
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Hero Utah Cop Did Not Guard The Gays At Their Parade Because Freedom
You guys, are we talking about the gays too much? We’re a little worried we’re talking about the gays too much, but there’s just so much gayness happening right now, you know? So many other states...
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Rep. Dr. Mike Kennedy, Esq., Will Protect Utah From Dangerous Hospitals
Image via Dr. Mike’s YouTube campaign video People of Utah, did you know you are under threat by monstrous hazards that lurk behind gleaming facades, endangering your very life under the diabolical...
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TLC Invites You To Watch Maybe-Gay Mormons Ice Skate, Try Not To Think About...
We’ve come to expect a certain level of quality and self-awareness from The Learning Channel, which has brought us such chronicles of the human condition as Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, 90-Day Fiancee,...
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Mitt Romney Has ‘Thoughts’ On Baltimore And Hillary Clinton, Still Not...
Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.comIf you are a perpetual loser of the Republican persuasion, there’s really no better place to go for some tender loving ball-fondling than Fox News. So Mitt...
View ArticleA Ridiculous Amount Of Notice For You, So Cal, To Put On Your Drinkin’ And...
San Diego! Orange County! Los Angeles! Las Vegas! Maybe Utah! We are hereby giving you a dumb amount of notice that we will be buying you beers and/or grilling you tofurkey (you bring the tofurkey),...
View ArticleWonkette Smearing Its Big Love On Salt Lake City Tomorrow! (Or Tonight!)
Salt Lake City, comin’ atcha! We shall invade your Drinking Liberally, as is our wont, and in exchange for letting us annex you, we shall buy you pitchers of your silly low-test beer tomorrow (or...
View ArticleThousands Of Mormons To Nail Magic Underpants To Temple Door In Mass Resignation
Oh fiddlesticks, the Mormon Church has angered some of the people on its membership rolls! If you’ll remember, the Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints decided it was time to update its policies...
View ArticleThis Utah Republican Publicly Mourning Gay Orlando Victims Will Make You Ugly...
Yes, a Utah Republican, that is not a typo, we said that correctly.
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